When I was about eleven or so I went through this “wedding planner phase.” I was convinced that wedding planning was my destiny. My little sisters, Kelsey and Jill, and I would have play weddings in our backyard all the time. Our love of weddings probably stemmed at least partially from the fact that our dad was an ordained minister as a hobby and went all over marrying people on the weekends. We had been dragged to a greater amount of the two hundred or so weddings that he had officiated. They were all very different.

He did have some pretty and traditional ones, but he also had people that got married in our living room, backyard, back deck, front yard, and even our kitchen (well it is more like a great room, if that makes it sound any better). He even had a wedding or two where he met the couple on the side of the road just inside the county of their marriage license, and performed the ceremony there. Some weddings were outside. Some were inside. Some brides wore white, some wore black and some wore jeans.

Regardless, we had always been fascinated by weddings and we loved them. So therefore, one day we got the brilliant idea to marry our dogs to each other. I think I suggested it first. Once we got to thinking about it, we were rather appalled at the fact that we hadn’t thought of it before. I mean Chloe and Chase had already had several litters of puppies together. Why hadn’t they been married? We just didn’t see it as very moral to be allowing so many illegitimate puppies to be born at our house. The only thing left to do was to plan the wedding.

Kelsey and I snuck into Mom’s sewing room to find some white fabric. Once we found some we snatched up Chloe and tied it around her body. I’m sure Mom wouldn’t have been happy about us taking her fabric, but I’m pretty sure we returned it once we were done, and I don’t think she even noticed it was gone. Chloe and Chase were only Yorkies, so it wasn’t like it was a ton of fabric anyway.

Jill rounded up Chase and combed his hair. His fur was black already, so we didn’t see any need in dressing him up too. We told him that after ten or so litters of puppies together, it was about time he agreed to marry Chloe.

We went outside in the front yard and found a cute spot with some big stones and flower bushes that would make a cute backdrop for the wedding. Then we took our positions. Kelsey acted out Chloe. Jill acted out Chase. I, of course, officiated the ceremony. Kelsey walked Chloe down the aisle to meet Chase, Jill and I at the end. I said the vows and we argued for several minutes on what was correct dog talk for “I do.” We assumed Chloe and Chase had no objections.

We were right down to the last bit where all that was left was for the groom to say “I do,” and Jill, of course, let go of Chase, and after being held there without his will for so long already, he was off as fast as he could go to chase down some random squirrel or bird in the yard.

What were we to do now? We held a vote. We decided that regardless of the fact that the groom had run away, since he couldn’t actually speak anyway, the ceremony could proceed without Chase actually being in attendance. Jill was given the honorary spot of Chase for the remainder of the wedding.

Jill said “I do” for him, in a mixture of words and barking. I had planned to say, “You may now kiss the bride” after this moment of the ceremony, but we were only left with one dog. Kelsey voted to make Jill kiss the remaining dog anyway, since she had agreed to fulfill Chase’s duties; however I vetoed the idea, for Jill’s sake. The wedding ended, with all of us reassured that the next batch of puppies would be born to married parents.

  1. WHY ON EARTH WAS I NEVER INFORMED OF THIS WEDDING!!!! This is the most hilarious thing i have heard in ages! And i have two amazingly funny kids! That is so awesome! I bet it was in the front yard, huh. So funny. Where is the new edition of the W Family Times?!?! There was a new baby to be announced and she never got her little self in the paper. Poor thing, bless her little left out heart!

  2. Haha sorry! It was so long ago, the girls were so little, I doubt that they even remember it. 🙂 Idk, the W Family Times has probably bit the dust. I don’t live at home anymore, so it makes it slightly hard for me to write what is going on. I had the idea to turn it into a website, where everyone could contribute posts, kind-of like a family blog, but I haven’t done it yet. I figured no one else would post anything but me, and I already have a blog. 🙂


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